Ok, so I'm a lousy blogger...

but truth be told, I warned you!

I did say back in the spring that when school was done that I would be spending more time at it - it turns out I was wrong. I think that once school was done my brain went on vacation  and is still not in the office on a regular basis. Oh well - I can blame it on the baby for now.

 

Speaking of which it seems at times like this pregnancy has zoomed by and at others like it's just chugging along in second gear. Everything seems to be going along right on schedule without any complications or worries, so we're happy about that. This little one is getting big enough now that there's more shifting and wiggling going on than kicking and flipping. It's something that I have found to be an amazing experience. There really have been very few times that have been uncomfortable in that deptartment - no feet in my ribs or waking me up at night - that sort of thing. It's just been something I've been able to enjoy and cherish. It's amazing to see and feel little feet moving across the top of my belly, or the whole thing shift back and forth!

At this point I have five weeks left until my due date, but we'll see when this little one feels like checking out. We're pretty excited to welcome this newcomer into our family, but there's still quite a bit of work to do before this place is really ready for a baby. Nesting will go into high gear in a week when I'm done work. My mom will be coming out from Ontario about three weeks later which will be lovely. I've been trying and will continue to reorganize and make more space in this suite of ours. Trying to find things to add that actually make more space and get rid of things that eat it up. It's not an easy task, but somehow still more fun than cooking at the moment for some reason. Meh, we eat, so I guess it's not that big of a deal.

Michael is excited and shows it in his own way by trying out the gear that we have to make sure that everything will work alright. He figured that this bag of oatmeal that makes a nice weight to try out the carrier. The funny thing is that when I flipped down the front flap the Quaker guy's face peeked out right about where the baby's would - it was a little creepy and more than a little funny.

Change

Change is a funny thing, or at least our reaction to it. I often feel like, at least with certain things, that you have to gear up to change, or that there are some things that will just never change. As I think about my life, I realize that, though nothing ever stays exactly the same, I live in a place in my life where a lot of major changes have occurred recently. We have moved for what seems like the tenth time in a year, I've changed subjects at school and I'm heading for graduation and the major changes that will bring, and of course there's pregnancy which is a whole bundle of changes that lead up to one big change. (which of course will mean another type of changing that is far more consistant and stinky!)
These are the things, however, that are life changes and though they may change us in many ways, they're largely external things. The things that I think about as those things that are much more unlikely to change are the internal elements that make us who we are. I sometimes look at elements about myself and don't like what I see, but I somehow feel that I'll never be able to change that. These are not always big things, but are often little things that somehow seem unsurmountable. I have come to the conclusion, however, that fear is that shadow that hangs over these things in my mind. Fear that I don't have what it takes to make the changes that I'd like to make, fear of what people will think when I try and fail, fear of not having the faith that it takes to not try these things on my own...
I'm sure if I really think about it I could come up with a lot of fears that try to hinder healthy change in my life. I have been encouraged of late by a good friend of mine whom I've have known for a long time. Though I have have always loved her, she is a very different person in some ways than she was years ago, in big ways and small and I often marvel at how she has changed over the years. I often wonder what she would have thought as a teenager if someone were to have given her a snapshot of her life now. I know that there have been a lot of things that have shaped and moulded along the way; many challenges that have led to change, but I think that it is her reaction to these things that stands out the most and that allows change to take root.
I have been encouraged to lift my heels out of the dirt a little and try to make use of those challenges in my life and allow them to change me. It never ceases to amaze me what God uses as tools to shape us into His image; tools of grace. Of course I'm sure it's easier to carve a block of wood if it's not always squirming! I'm am thankful that His mercies are new every morning and there's always a new day in which to start over.

Overlap

I am now living in a time of overlap and it's causing its share of stress. My courses have not quite finished, but the next batch is now on my plate. Somehow I blanked on just how stressful this would be when I gave my availability to my boss and I'm finding my schedule a bit more than I bargained for. On top of this, we have been evicted from our place, so that the landlords can use the space and we get to move down the street a piece. God has provided for our needs in the past and is providing now. I have no doubt that He will continue to do so in the future, which is a good thing, because only He knows what that looks like. I find it amazing how He works in our lives and the most amazing thing is the pressure that is applied; it's enough to turn coal into diamonds, but not enough to crush us. These days I feel a little more like coal than a diamond, but it's a long process indeed.