Change is a funny thing, or at least our reaction to it. I often feel like, at least with certain things, that you have to gear up to change, or that there are some things that will just never change. As I think about my life, I realize that, though nothing ever stays exactly the same, I live in a place in my life where a lot of major changes have occurred recently. We have moved for what seems like the tenth time in a year, I've changed subjects at school and I'm heading for graduation and the major changes that will bring, and of course there's pregnancy which is a whole bundle of changes that lead up to one big change. (which of course will mean another type of changing that is far more consistant and stinky!)
These are the things, however, that are life changes and though they may change us in many ways, they're largely external things. The things that I think about as those things that are much more unlikely to change are the internal elements that make us who we are. I sometimes look at elements about myself and don't like what I see, but I somehow feel that I'll never be able to change that. These are not always big things, but are often little things that somehow seem unsurmountable. I have come to the conclusion, however, that fear is that shadow that hangs over these things in my mind. Fear that I don't have what it takes to make the changes that I'd like to make, fear of what people will think when I try and fail, fear of not having the faith that it takes to not try these things on my own...
I'm sure if I really think about it I could come up with a lot of fears that try to hinder healthy change in my life. I have been encouraged of late by a good friend of mine whom I've have known for a long time. Though I have have always loved her, she is a very different person in some ways than she was years ago, in big ways and small and I often marvel at how she has changed over the years. I often wonder what she would have thought as a teenager if someone were to have given her a snapshot of her life now. I know that there have been a lot of things that have shaped and moulded along the way; many challenges that have led to change, but I think that it is her reaction to these things that stands out the most and that allows change to take root.
I have been encouraged to lift my heels out of the dirt a little and try to make use of those challenges in my life and allow them to change me. It never ceases to amaze me what God uses as tools to shape us into His image; tools of grace. Of course I'm sure it's easier to carve a block of wood if it's not always squirming! I'm am thankful that His mercies are new every morning and there's always a new day in which to start over.