Ok, so I'm a lousy blogger...

but truth be told, I warned you!

I did say back in the spring that when school was done that I would be spending more time at it - it turns out I was wrong. I think that once school was done my brain went on vacation  and is still not in the office on a regular basis. Oh well - I can blame it on the baby for now.

 

Speaking of which it seems at times like this pregnancy has zoomed by and at others like it's just chugging along in second gear. Everything seems to be going along right on schedule without any complications or worries, so we're happy about that. This little one is getting big enough now that there's more shifting and wiggling going on than kicking and flipping. It's something that I have found to be an amazing experience. There really have been very few times that have been uncomfortable in that deptartment - no feet in my ribs or waking me up at night - that sort of thing. It's just been something I've been able to enjoy and cherish. It's amazing to see and feel little feet moving across the top of my belly, or the whole thing shift back and forth!

At this point I have five weeks left until my due date, but we'll see when this little one feels like checking out. We're pretty excited to welcome this newcomer into our family, but there's still quite a bit of work to do before this place is really ready for a baby. Nesting will go into high gear in a week when I'm done work. My mom will be coming out from Ontario about three weeks later which will be lovely. I've been trying and will continue to reorganize and make more space in this suite of ours. Trying to find things to add that actually make more space and get rid of things that eat it up. It's not an easy task, but somehow still more fun than cooking at the moment for some reason. Meh, we eat, so I guess it's not that big of a deal.

Michael is excited and shows it in his own way by trying out the gear that we have to make sure that everything will work alright. He figured that this bag of oatmeal that makes a nice weight to try out the carrier. The funny thing is that when I flipped down the front flap the Quaker guy's face peeked out right about where the baby's would - it was a little creepy and more than a little funny.

Change

Change is a funny thing, or at least our reaction to it. I often feel like, at least with certain things, that you have to gear up to change, or that there are some things that will just never change. As I think about my life, I realize that, though nothing ever stays exactly the same, I live in a place in my life where a lot of major changes have occurred recently. We have moved for what seems like the tenth time in a year, I've changed subjects at school and I'm heading for graduation and the major changes that will bring, and of course there's pregnancy which is a whole bundle of changes that lead up to one big change. (which of course will mean another type of changing that is far more consistant and stinky!)
These are the things, however, that are life changes and though they may change us in many ways, they're largely external things. The things that I think about as those things that are much more unlikely to change are the internal elements that make us who we are. I sometimes look at elements about myself and don't like what I see, but I somehow feel that I'll never be able to change that. These are not always big things, but are often little things that somehow seem unsurmountable. I have come to the conclusion, however, that fear is that shadow that hangs over these things in my mind. Fear that I don't have what it takes to make the changes that I'd like to make, fear of what people will think when I try and fail, fear of not having the faith that it takes to not try these things on my own...
I'm sure if I really think about it I could come up with a lot of fears that try to hinder healthy change in my life. I have been encouraged of late by a good friend of mine whom I've have known for a long time. Though I have have always loved her, she is a very different person in some ways than she was years ago, in big ways and small and I often marvel at how she has changed over the years. I often wonder what she would have thought as a teenager if someone were to have given her a snapshot of her life now. I know that there have been a lot of things that have shaped and moulded along the way; many challenges that have led to change, but I think that it is her reaction to these things that stands out the most and that allows change to take root.
I have been encouraged to lift my heels out of the dirt a little and try to make use of those challenges in my life and allow them to change me. It never ceases to amaze me what God uses as tools to shape us into His image; tools of grace. Of course I'm sure it's easier to carve a block of wood if it's not always squirming! I'm am thankful that His mercies are new every morning and there's always a new day in which to start over.

Overlap

I am now living in a time of overlap and it's causing its share of stress. My courses have not quite finished, but the next batch is now on my plate. Somehow I blanked on just how stressful this would be when I gave my availability to my boss and I'm finding my schedule a bit more than I bargained for. On top of this, we have been evicted from our place, so that the landlords can use the space and we get to move down the street a piece. God has provided for our needs in the past and is providing now. I have no doubt that He will continue to do so in the future, which is a good thing, because only He knows what that looks like. I find it amazing how He works in our lives and the most amazing thing is the pressure that is applied; it's enough to turn coal into diamonds, but not enough to crush us. These days I feel a little more like coal than a diamond, but it's a long process indeed.

Digging out in Time for Christmas

I have been rather preoccupied of late, as many of you know, by term papers. I finally finished them and I'm looking forward to finishing school altogether. I have another set of exams and some misc. reading and lecture questions to do to finish the fall semester's classes. I also have two history courses coming in the mail any day now and I'm hoping to get through them as quickly as possible. Other than that, I have one more course to do which I'll hopefully be taking along with the rest of the students at Heritage. We need to work out some things, but they assure me that they can make it work, so that I can graduate in April! I am so excited about the prospect of graduating in the spring with the rest of my class.

On a more holiday-related note, we did eventually get out and get a Christmas tree. We took our nephews out to a tree farm and they 'helped' 'us' to pick a tree. (by 'us' I really mean me) I decided that I didn't want a full sized tree this year and I didn't want to go all out as far as decorations. Moderation is the theme this year; a fact that was very satisfactory for my hubby. I did 'convince' him to watch a Christmas movie with me while 'we' decorated. (Michael put the lights on the tree) We even had peppermint hot chocolate and cookies to go with it. It was as festive as it was going to get and that was ok with both of us. We are looking forward to celebrating our first Christmas living out west, except for the fact that we aren't going to be able to make it back to Ontario until the spring. I'm ok with that for now, but we'll see how it goes as the holidays come and go on the first Christmas away from my family in my entire life. Thankfully we get to spend time this year with my uncle and aunt and cousins out here and we plan on skyping home sometime in the afternoon on Christmas day. I think that it's going to be a holiday that comes and goes and we'll look back at afterward and think, "That was...strange." We'll see. For now, however, we're plugging along, having fun at our new church and enjoying more 'firsts'.







Friday Frenzy

A bit of an update is in order as some of my friends have reminded me. I have started a new part-time job in place of working at Subway, which was short-lived. I am currently working at House of James, the Christian bookstore in Abbotsford, BC. The store has a coffee shop and I work there about fifteen hours per week. It's a pretty good job; the girls that I work with are super and it's a great environment. And, yes, for all those who know my bald bookworm, he's very excited that I get a staff discount.
As for the other major time and energy investment in my life, I am finishing up my degree via distance education this year. I am currently taking three courses and will be taking my last three courses next semester, so that I can graduate in April with my class. I am very excited at this prospect and hope that everything goes along as planned. As much as I love school, I'm looking forward to having it completed and having a degree to hang on my wall. I'm also looking forward to having the time to put my education into practice, which is the goal I would think. But for now, I plug away at my papers, readings, lectures and exams. I miss the folks at Heritage and wish that I could just pop in now and then; I also miss 'my' little room in the library where I could hole away when I needed a higher level of focus. Needing that space, I carved out a little room at home where I can study and write my papers. I'm thankful for where God's led us and I'm looking forward to the road ahead.

A Cup of Christmas Apathy

As the beginning of the Christmas holidays are inaugurated by the decorations at any given retail establishment, I find my Christmas spirit lacking the luster of so many other years. I can't remember a time when I've felt so apathetic toward holiday preparations. I'm not sure why I feel this way; perhaps it is being so far away from home and knowing that I won't be there with my family for the first time in my life. Perhaps it's the weight of so much school work still ahead of me that's grinding off the sparkle. I think that much of it has to do with the conviction of meaning. I think that I'm struggling to balance tinsel and trappings with a King who set aside his kingdom to be born in barn to save us from sin. I say balance because I think that presents and festivities are important parts of holidays; when God institutes a festival, He goes all out and often the people party for a week! But I also think that our traditions require evaluation and scrutiny if they are to remain holy unto the Lord. Why do we do what we do? I think that we need to ask this question and be prepared to trim the trimmings that take away from our worship of God. What this looks like in my own life I haven't figured out yet, but I will ponder as I wander through the advent of our Lord.

Efficiency

I have come to realize, once again, just how efficient I am at being inefficient. I would give examples, but I'm writing on my blog which is example enough. God has really been putting His finger on the issue of our time is spent, but for some reason, I just don't seem to get it to the point of action - sigh, like with so many other things. Like Paul, I identify with the battle between the flesh and spirit. I know that it's not worth it, the tiniest of silly things that so often win my attention, but I just can't seem to kick them to the curb. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I don't have a strong enough desire to let go of the gravel and grasp the diamonds that are in front of me. I am grateful that God is gracious and remembers that I am dust, but treats me like the daughter that He's making me to be. I would be awfully frustrated if I were Him, so I'm glad that I'm not. His grace is sufficient, if only I weren't so stubborn, I could enjoy it a little more.